January 19, 2014

Ryan's World - Bring Me a Pair of Pants

Lose weight and get in shape always seems to be at the top of the list when it comes to New Year’s Resolutions. If I were making a resolution it would probably be at the top of my list also, but I didn’t. I take that back. I did make a resolution I could keep. I resolved to think about losing weight and getting in shape. I think the first few sentences cover “thinking about it” so now I can say I kept my resolution. Wow! It does make you feel better when you keep a resolution.

I have to admit I may have picked up a pound or two (quite possibly more, but I refuse to step on the scale – it scares me). I’m assuming I’ve picked up a few pounds – there is a slim possibility my clothes are shrinking. I’ve been teaching my daughters to do laundry and they don’t always do everything the way I told them, which gives me a glimmer of hope that my clothes are shrinking. Please don’t dash my hopes. I’m just now starting to feel good about myself because I kept my resolution. I do find it odd my pants have only shrunk around the waist and not in length. I wonder why that is.

The problem with shrinking clothes (or gaining weight) is nothing ever fits right. I have a few pairs of pants that have elastic in the waist band and believe me when I say they are a Godsend. Whoever invented those pants must have had daughters that didn’t do the laundry the way they were taught. I hate to confess this, but even with the elastic in my waist band I’m coming ever so close to finding out how far it will stretch.

The other day I wore an old pair of pants to work that didn’t have elastic in the waist band. Let me reiterate – these pants were old; probably close to 10 years old. Old things wear out. As I was trying to button my pants a shot rang out and a piece of shrapnel nearly took off one of my fingers. I recovered the shrapnel only to find it was the button from my pants. As I stood in the bathroom dumbfounded I began to wonder how I was going to face the day with no button on my pants. Fortunately the zipper was still in good condition. I began to question “Will the zipper hold until I get a different pair of pants.” A little jump up and down to make sure my pants stayed in place gave me hope. Second, “Is my shirt long enough to cover the front of my pants?” Whew! Yes it was.

The weather was a little rough that day with below zero temperatures and snow everywhere. My wife’s boss closed his office and I knew she was home. I called and asked her to bring me a pair of pants. Without a second thought and with no hesitation at all she responded, “NO! I’m not getting out in this weather.” I did all I could to try and convince her to bring me another pair of pants, but the answer was still no.

I went back to my desk and explained to my co-worker (let’s call him Bob R., which may or may not be his real name) what had happened. He was very supportive. I usually get up and walk to his desk to hand him papers, but on that day he insisted I stay seated while he was in the room. He hasn’t done that since and I’m not sure why.

At lunch I broke down and bought a pair of pants. The new pants made me more confident and I was ready to face the rest of my work day only to find my boss was closing up and I could go home. My first thought was “That was a waste of $30.” As I was headed home I called my wife to tell her I was on my way. Her response was, “We are headed that way also.” That’s right! She got out in that weather, but it wasn’t to bring me a pair of pants.

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