March 3, 2013

Ryan's World - Maybe My Hair is Irresistible

I’m not quite sure why, but I had a lot of backlash from my last column. Everybody has questioned the one line about my grandfather being irresistible to women as he got older and how I got that trait. Even my mom sent me a note with question marks after she read the column. It is really hurtful and doesn’t help your self-esteem when your mother doesn’t think you are handsome enough to be irresistible. I realize I’m not Sean Connery, Mel Gibson, or Mark Harmon; I have more of the Drew Carey (pre-Price is Right) look. The way I’ve been laughed at lately makes me wonder if I look more like the guy from the Go Daddy Super Bowl commercial that was kissing the supermodel. (And no, I don’t want to be kissing some supermodel; my wife is a supermodel in my eyes and she is all I need. Did that sound believable?)

I think I’ve finally figured it out and it has a lot to do with my red hair. All of my life I’ve heard women tell me, “I would love to have your red hair,” or “You can’t buy that color in a bottle.” While in college I went to a male stylist (I should have gone to a barber). He started fluffing the hair on the back of my head and asked, “Is this real?” After being a little creeped out, I responded, “I’ve had it all of my life.” If I have deduced this correctly – it is my hair that is irresistible to women (and some men) and not me. Wow! That is a painful pill to swallow.

At least with my wife, I’m fairly certain it is me that she finds irresistible. She can’t stand boys/guys with red hair. When we were thinking about having children, she began to fervently fast and pray that we would not have a red-haired boy. Her perception is that all red-headed boys are ugly. I tried showing her my pictures from when I was kid and still couldn’t change her mind. I was by no means an ugly red-headed kid. In fact, my mom was approached about having me be a model because I was so cute. Of course, a couple of weeks later (when my hair color started to show) the offer was withdrawn and I haven’t been approached since.

I do understand my wife’s apprehension toward red-headed guys. If you look back to the 70’s and some of the child stars of the day with red hair, there wasn’t much to work with – Danny Bonaduce in the Partridge Family or Johnny Whitaker from Family Affair. Even Ron Howard knew enough to get out of acting and start directing. (He has had more success since he went bald.) Now that I’m an adult, I’m still lacking a leading man role model. Really, what are my choices – David Caruso from CSI: Miami or Carrot Top the comedian?

How sad is that? I’ve found myself bashing other red-heads. I blame society. Society has ingrained it in us to believe red-heads can’t be leading men and therefore red-haired, male offspring are to be feared. It is nothing more than blatant discrimination.

I’m still not backing down from my claims that I got my grandpa’s irresistible trait. The Berry gene has run rampant in my family. My dad looks like my grandpa and I look like my dad. Once you get past my dad’s anti-social and grumpy tendencies (oh crap, I got that trait from him), I believe he has the qualities that will make him irresistible when he gets a little older.

My only choice to be accepted socially, have my co-workers (and wife) stop laughing, and to prove my point that I can be irresistible is for my hair to turn gray. I know Just for Men helps get rid of the gray, but is there a product out there to help my hair turn gray (other than my wife and daughters)?

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